Adulthood: Basically Untenable, Definitely Hypocritical

Above my $25 Craigslist dishwasher, hangs this little plaque from our local thrift store. It states simply, "Inside...we are all the same age."

The older I get, the more it's proven true. I may be forty-two, but my brain works exactly as it did when I was a nine-year-old. Straight-forward. Logical. Black-and-white. Idealistic. Fair. Honest.

Please tell me I'm not the only one! My mother always said, regardless of how old she gets, on the inside she feels exactly how she felt at age six!

Now don't get me wrong! I'm not one of these anti-adulthood people. Far from it!  I couldn't wait to become a responsible, independent adult unlike so many young people today who inexplicably cling to their shrieky, silly adolescence for an embarrassingly long time.

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Rather, this article is my black-and-white nine-year-old brain attempting to mesh with my wiser shades-of-grey forty-two-year-old brain. This is me saying aloud that adulthood is fundamentally untenable and unavoidably hypocritical. I'm finally admitting that the adults I admired, respected and nearly worshiped as a submissive, traumatized, shame-riddled teenager put up one heck of a strong façade but their feet were made of clay just as mine are today.

Adults aren't all they're cracked up to be, in fact frequently they act far worse than a well-raised child would ever dream of behaving!

It's the adults causing all the problems in the world!

Whew! Sure felt good to get that off my chest!

Adults Aren't Emotional.
P.S. Anger Isn't an Emotion.

How well I remember my father sneering about emotional people. Then he indulged in terrifying blackout rages. Frequently. Because, you see, he made a loophole for himself. In his mind anger isn't an emotion ergo he's not emotional. Everyone else is. Not him.

The hell anger isn't an emotion!

But he was the only member of our little family allowed to be angry. Not Mom and certainly not me. Like a cult, we females had to "keep sweet."

Only smiles and tears were allowed us while  he was screaming, swearing, running through the house like a rabid animal, beating countertops, woodwork and the air with his fists. Once he kicked out a door. Afterwards, Mom told me, he didn't remember what he said and did.

How many "adults" are just like this? How many prisons are filled with "adults" who won't control their emotions.

As a kid, they call it a tantrum. The worst thing that happens is a floor gets kicked. A toy gets thrown. You're ignored and/or spanked and learn your lesson!

Ah, but if an adult throws a tantrum, their victims are traumatized, wounded in body and spirit. Sometimes they even die. But then it's euphemistically called a "crime of passion."

Really it's just an adult who never grew up behaving in a way they'd never allow their own children to behave.

Shocking hypocrisy!

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Shame, Projection, Hypocrisy...Oh My!

Maybe I've been watching too much Sex and the City lately but the mention of Miranda's secret "Goodie Drawer" (S3, E3) got me  thinking.

How many little boys have been told that if they touch themselves, they'll go blind..or straight to Hell! Probably most of them.

Then the same adult who shamed that little boy indulges in some much needed "stress relief" with their "goodie drawer."

Ummmm...

Of course, my forty-two-year-old-brain understands the situation perfectly while at the same time my black-and-white innocent nine-year-old brain is gobsmacked by the hypocrisy.

Just one of life's little irreconcilable jokes that leads me to often state, "Life is untenable."

And while we're on the topic, I've observed that, for many people, their first exposure to sexuality "locks in" that particular situation as defining sexuality for the rest of their lives.

If a little boy is abused by a male, that first traumatic experience may "lock in" sexuality as being with same sex for the rest of their lives. If his first experience is with a much older married woman, he may develop a sick addiction to her or other older women. 

If shame and pain are the first experience, that's tragically "locked in" as well. If your parent Projects shame over their sexual behavior as a teenager on their own teenager, you bear that confusing, second-hand shame for the rest of your life. I can't begin to tell you how many women have told me that, like me, they were slut shamed by a parent before ever losing their virginity.

Children may blame their bad behavior on a sibling, friend or claim "The Devil made me do it." But an "adult" will shift their bad behavior and project it retroactively on their own child...which is infinitely worse!

Stunning hypocrisy!

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"There's no right in a wrong situation."

At the end of the day, this world is so screwed up it's impossible to make a right decision because we make every decision in the context of this screwed up world!

As I've been saying since my brutal introduction to the vile world of Parental Alienation in 2012, "There's no right in a wrong situation" and this world is a very wrong situation indeed.

Yet, somehow, Jesus pulled it off!!! He was perfect in this screwed up world. What the...!?! How'd He...!?!

Seriously, how did He pull off perfection so charmingly that the worst sinners of his day flocked to him whilst the self-proclaimed righteous hated and murdered Him!?!

To you or I, it's unfathomable. Yet somehow He did it without being a push-over, a codependent nor a victim. It seems church nowadays teach the Gospel of Niceness instead of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They confuse people's likes and dislikes for morals. I may offend what you like, but that doesn't mean I did anything morally wrong!

Hebrews 4: 15 states, "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin."

How profoundly comforting but perhaps it goes even further. You can't intellectualize emotion. You can only feel them. By becoming human Jesus felt our emotions keenly...the joy as well as the ugly emotions and still He didn't sin!

The mind reels.

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" 'Tis mercy all, immense and free..."

Becoming an adult is incredibly humbling. It's basically untenable. It's made a hypocrite of me.

I need a Savior badly because I'm well and truly and totally screwed. Every decision I make is inherently wrong. Every judgment I make is fundamentally hypocritical. 

I crave Grace. In the words of my mother's favorite hymn.

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And can it be that I should gain
An int'rest in the Savior's blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God,
should die for me?

'Tis mystery all! Th'Immortal dies!
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine!
'Tis mercy all! let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more. [Refrain]

He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace;
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam's helpless race;
'Tis mercy all, immense and free;
For, O my God, it found out me. [Refrain]

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night;
Thine eye diffused a quick'ning ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free;
I rose, went forth and followed Thee. [Refrain]

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th'eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own. [Refrain]

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