 On our fourth wedding anniversary, I remember back to the blissful day we said “I Do”…and how familial narcissism permeated our wedding and marriage from the very start.
Pre-Wedding Meddling Sure, I understand that all parents care deeply about their child’s choice of spouse. That’s part of normalcy. But meddling…that’s another story. It’s not okay for a father to angrily call at 7:30 p.m., demanding his almost 32-year-old daughter leave her first date with her future husband and “go home.” That’s not caring. It’s jealous and creepy. It’s fine for a mother to pose questions for consideration about her daughter’s future spouse, but the answers are none of her business. That’s nosey. It’s not okay for a father to try to brainwash his daughter by confidently stating, “You’re just infatuated with him.” And it’s not okay for a mother to tell her daughter what she can and cannot tell her husband. We’re supposed to be One. Leave and cleave, baby. That means no frickin’ secrets! WOW! Narcissistic Control at the Wedding Our wedding was scheduled for 9 a.m. The guests showed up at 8 a.m., looking very disapproving that the bride was not yet ready. She was eating a bagel. Around 8:30 a.m., my soon-to-be father-in-law had enough with this waiting around. “Well, let’s get this over with,” he said. So romantic. (Yes, Sheldon. That is sarcasm.) So we were married half an hour early, so he could rush back to his recliner and baseball. WOW! To read all about the narcy-cray-cray that permeated every facet of our wedding, please click here!
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 When you’ve been surrounded by narcissists all your life, naturally you assume everyone thinks like them. Judges you like them. Hey! It’s self-protection. But they don’t, you know.
Holocaust survivor, neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl is renowned for saying, “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” Being constantly watched is abnormal. Being chronically judged for anything and everything is abnormal. Hell, narcissism is abnormal, hence the name of this blog: Narcissism Meets Normalcy. Click here to read the full article on PsychCentral!  What if PMS isn't just senseless misery and angst? What if it's trying to tell us something.
That's what I've noticed! The more I understand and heal from narcissistic abuse, the milder my PMS! Could it be that my PMS was trying to tell me something after all? Click here to read all about it on the Huffington Post!  "Perfectionism is probably the most common and also one of the most damaging characteristics of dysfunctional families," wrote John and Linda Friel in their excellent book An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal. When I read that, I felt like I'd discovered fire. Perfectionism ran rampant in my narcissistic family and I've been its willing slave since childhood.
But why? That's what I want to know. Click here to read how perfectionism forms an ego feeding frenzy for narcissists AND how it leads to workaholism  Who owns you? Yeah, you heard me right. Owns you. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic, they do. Lock, stock and barrel. Owned.
I know. I was there. Just Waltz Right In That’s what narcissists do, you know. They waltz right in to every facet of our being. And I mean every. The word “boundaries” is anathema to them. Say “boundary” to a narc and they snarl like Smeagol in Lord of the Rings, “We hates ’em, Precious! Smeagol hates nasty boundaries!” Oh, they hates ’em alright. I’ll never forget the time I asked for some privacy during those few moments each day when I was shivering out of my bathrobe and into my lingerie. Yeah, that lasted for about two days. Then it was back to “same ol’, same ol’.” She just had to empty my bedroom wastebasket every day at that exact time. There was no other time in twenty-four hours when it could possibly be done. Uh-huh. Or there was the time I got kinda’ tired of being interrogated with, “Whatcha’ eating?” every single frickin’ night. Wow! Judging by the hell I caught attempting to set that boundary (“Why!?! What are you trying to hide?), you’d have thought I was trying to sneak lobster and King Crab past ’em. And that boundary I tried to set to stop that gross earlobe nibbling because damn it! I was in my twenties…yeah, that one kept getting violated too. Click here to read the full article on PsychCentral!  If you were not the Golden Child in your narcissistic family, consider yourself lucky. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I can hear Scapegoats worldwide mumbling under their breath. And I do admit that being the Golden Child has some perks! As an only child and eldest grandchild (I'm sorry, cousins! Now I "get it!"), no one knows that better than me! I was the Golden Child by default. There were treats and presents, hugs and cuddles, fawning and praise. But it came at a price. Sooner or later, you have to pay for the presents. The cuddles come with conditions. And there are strings attached to the treats. I was thirty-one before I realized that I had to pay the piper for my Golden Child status. His price is absolute control over every facet of your being — mind, body and soul. Click here to read the full article on PsychCentral!  I honor the millions who heroically battle cancer, determined to live life to its fullest and flip cancer the bird. Unfortunately, narcissists aren’t always among this valiant throng. Give a narcissist cancer (or any ailment) and he’ll exploit it to the max, making everyone’s life a micro-managed living Hell along the way. I know. I was there.
Narcissists are well-known for faking heart attacks or claiming imaginary ailments, so when a real one comes along….holy crap! It’s like a dream come true for them. Read all about it on my PsychCentral blog! Click here!  Lately, the World Wide Web has exploded with articles about narcissism. The shenanigans of characters like Donald Trump and Kanye West have inspired writers worldwide to dip their quill in the narcissism inkwell.
But what if narcissism isn't what we assume it is? Yes, narcissists project an über-confident, egotistical image but most researchers believe this is merely a smokescreen to disguise extremely low or even non-existent self-esteem. It's kinda hard to put narcissism into words, so I thought why not demonstrate it because actions speak louder than words. With thanks to my Facebook friends for sharing all of these real-life scenarios from their lives.
To read the whole article on HuffPost, please click here!  Bed bugs: mother’s latest paranoiac fad. Her home’s gonna’ get infested with the little devils. She’s sure of it.
Mother’s paranoia is nothing new. She’s been this way all my life. And her mother is a paranoiac, controlling narcissist too. Together they form a hysterical duo, collecting and trading dangers like some people trade baseball cards. Their “Danger Scrapbook” is second-to-none, bulging with terrors of every description. Oddly enough, none of these horrors have ever befallen them…nor anyone else in the family. Nevertheless, reality never stopped them from foisting dangers of every kind onto me. And only because they love and care about me, right!?Ah, I remember well the first time their paranoia struck me as, well, odd. Maestro? Flashback harp music, please. If you need a good laugh today, just click here! http://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism/2016/03/paranoiac-parents/  There's a famous cliche: "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a frickin' duck." And if it looks like jealousy, walks like jealousy and talks like jealousy, it is frickin' jealousy.
Of course, I couldn't believe it myself! Who would? What normal parent would be insanely jealous of their own child?! I never expected it and I certainly didn't want it. But there it was: jealousy. As plain as the nose on my face. It all started just after puberty. I was fourteen when Mom first accused me of trying to "be cute" (translation: seductive) for my own father. Two years later, it was Dad who turned green around the gills. Click here to read my newest Huffington Post article, Parents Who Are Jealous of Their Kids. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/lenora-thompson/parents-jealous-of-their-kids_b_9391452.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-parents |