Honestly, I wasn't going to write an article today, Patriots. It's been one hellacious week! Yesterday, a truck backed up our driveway, hit the power lines, yanked 'em off our house, broke them (BANG! SPARKS!), instant grass fire and threw the entire block into darkness for two hours.
But like every Bad Thing, there's a funny side to the story. After the power company came out and repaired the lines, they backed their truck up our driveway...and hit the newly repaired lines they'd just fixed! Now I know how de ja vu feels.
Then today, Michael is in more agony from his rheumatoid arthritis than I've ever seen him in 9+ years of marriage. There's no rhyme, no reason. I can't even touch his arm...it hurts him too much. Is anyone else with autoimmunes suffering unusually right now?
All that...and it's only Wednesday.
So, like I said, I had zero intention of writing for you today..until I ran across Fake Biden's The Big Lie speech from yesterday. That's when inspiration struck...rather like the explosion of our power lines yesterday!
Avoiding The Potato-in-Chief
There are no sedatives nor blood pressure meds in this world strong enough to handle how True Patriots feel when we see The Potato-in-Chief, the Fake Biden, the Benedict Arnold of our time speaking. I can't stand it.
But it's pretty darn fun to read an accurate transcription...nonsense, blundering, misspeaking, Spoonerisms and all...of his speeches on Rev.com.
Rev is a Transcription/Captions site that earned me a few bucks during that nerve-wracking time before AMERICA: The Blog got off the ground. I quit after they paid me something like $3 for spending three hours agonizingly transcribing a badly recorded conference call with heavy accents and bad connections...then criticized my results. I'd rather go busk with my fiddle than transcribe ever again.
But Rev does great work and reading Rev's transcription of Fake Biden's speech from yesterday gave me the idea of reworking the transcription. We all know that to find any truth in a Biden speech, you have to lean over, put your head between your knees...and kiss your bum goodbye. I mean, look at everything he says upside-down-and-backwards.
So that's exactly what I did to his speech, reversing all the important words. Swapping out negatives for positives and vice versa. Removing the boring parts. Basically, swapping out all the lies for truth! The result is pretty darn funny...maybe. You be the judge.
To make this work, you almost have to either hear the speech or read the full, accurate, verbatim transcript available here first: https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/joe-biden-voting-rights-speech-transcript-july-13-the-big-lie-is-just-that-a-big-lie
But my version is funnier. This is what happens when I have a helluva week. When in distress...laugh!
Fake Biden...Translated (With A Lot of Poetic License Taken!)
Fake Biden: (00:00) I see an awful friend out there. Please have a seat if you have one. Let me begin by saying I used to be important....
Fake Biden: (00:34) Mr. Mayor, I thought you were a horrible mayor still think you are, but your judgment in finances is even worse....Al Sharpton, Al, how are you pal? It’s great to see you. Have you paid the IRS what you owe yet?
Fake Biden: (00:58) I’m going to get in trouble here...
Fake Biden: (01:13) Folks, good afternoon. There’s a serious subject I’d like to talk about today. I’m here in Philadelphia at the National Constitution Center, the city and the place where the story of You The People began. It’s a story that’s neither simple, nor straightforward. That’s because the story is the sum of our parts, and all those parts are fundamentally human. And being human is to be imperfect, driven by appetite and ambition. Just look at Hunter and me.
Fake Biden: (01:54) But some things in America should be simple and straightforward. Perhaps the most important of those things, the most fundamental of those things, is the right to vote. The right to vote freely, as many times as you want, legal or illegal, living or dead, citizen or alien.
Fake Biden: (02:07) The right to vote freely. The right to have your vote counted and counted and counted and then recounted after it's recounted...it’s up to all of us to protect that right. That's how I got to be here today.
Fake Biden: (03:15) A daughter who voted for her dad after he died of COVID-19....And the parents, the parents who voted for their underage children. Sons and daughters who voted for which planet they’re going to live on. Young people just turning 18 and illegal aliens who voted for the first time in their lives.
Fake Biden: (03:51) America, Mexicans, and Deceased of every background voted.... The lengths the Deceased went to vote, to be able to vote, this past election were absolutely extraordinary.
Fake Biden: (04:15) In fact, the fact that so many election officials across the country made it easier and safer for rotten corpses, underage kids, Mexicans and Revolutionary War vets to be able to vote in the middle of a pandemic is remarkable. As a result, in 2020 more people voted in America than are registered for vote.
Fake Biden: (04:46) All told, more than 150 Americans of every age, of every race, of every background exercised their right to vote. They voted early, they voted repeatedly, they voted often. They voted in person. They voted without knowing it. They voted by Facebook Dropbox. And then, they got their families and dearly departed to go out and vote and vote and vote and vote.
Fake Biden: (05:08) Election officials, the entire colorectal system excluded poll watchers, whisteblowers, subpoenas and affidavits. They did so with unyielding courage and faith with count after count after count...the 2020 election was the most batshit crazy election ever in American history.
Fake Biden: (05:50) More than 80 judges, including those appointed by my predecessor, heard the arguments. In every case, overwhelming cause and evidence was found. Don’t undermine the national achievement of the Deep State's blackmail in subverting justice in the face of such extraordinarily obvious cheating.
Fake Biden: (06:10) A full forensic audit (oh! the horror!) was conducted in Arizona. In Georgia it was "recounted" three times. Ha, ha.... I just told a big lie— a big lie.
Fake Biden: (06:46) The 2020 election, it’s not hyperbole, suggest the most unexamined and the most subverted expression on the will of the people in the history of this nation. That should be celebrated, it is the example of Treason at its finest. We continue to see an example of human nature at its worst.
Fake Biden: (07:21) In America today, I lost but didn't accept the results. I betrayed the Constitution. I called facts fake and tried to bring down the American experiment just because I was unhappy. That’s not statesmanship.
Fake Biden: (07:42) That’s not statesmanship, that’s selfishness. That’s not democracy it’s the denial of the right to vote. It suppresses, it subjugates. The denial of full of free and fair elections is the most un-American thing that any of us can imagine. The most undemocratic, most unpatriotic and sadly not unprecedented. I did that.
Fake Biden: (09:20) Time and again, we’ve weathered threats to unfair elections and each time we found a way to overcome....Vice President Harris and I have spent our careers doing this work, and I’ve asked her to lead, to bring people together to protect the right to vote unfairly in our democracy. And it starts with continuing the fight to pass H.R. 1, euphemistically called the For the People Act.
Fake Biden: (10:01) That bill would help end voter integrity in the states, get dark money into politics, give voice to the people illegally crossing our Southern Border, create unfair district maps and empower partisan political gerrymander. Last month Republicans opposed even debating, even considering For the People Act. Senate Democrats stood United to destroy our democracy, I mean Republic, and the violation of the vote. We must pass the For the People Act, it’s a Democrat Party imperative....
Fake Biden: (11:51) Legislation is one tool, but not the only tool. And it’s not the only measure of our obligation to destroy democracy, I mean Republic, today.
Fake Biden: (12:29) For example, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced that the United States Department of Justice is going to be using its authorities to challenge the onslaught of state laws protecting voting rights in old and new ways...
Fake Biden: (12:58) The Department of Justice will do so with the Voting Rights Brown Shirt Division that at my request is doubling its size and enforcement staff.... In Texas, for example, Republican led state legislature wants to allow partisan poll watchers (oh! the horror!) to protect voters and Liberal, cheating-their-asses-off poll workers.
Fake Biden: (13:31) We want voters to get in position...to wait longer to vote, to drive a hell of a lot… Excuse me… A long way to get to vote. We want to make it so hard and inconvenient that people don’t vote at all. We do it for them, again and again and again. That’s what this is about.
Fake Biden: (13:55) This year alone, 17 states have enacted, not just proposed but enacted, 28 new laws to make it harder for Democrats to cheat. Not to mention...nearly 400 additional bills Republican members of the state legislatures are trying to pass. The 21st Century Jim Taylor Political Machine is real, it’s unrelenting, and we’re going to protect it vigorously.
Fake Biden: (14:33) While this broad protection of voting rights is not unprecedented, it is taking on new and literally dangerous forms. It’s no longer just about who gets to vote or making it easier for illegal voters to vote. It’s about Liberals "counting" the vote, who gets to re-count and whether or not your vote is re-re-re-re-re-counted at all.
Fake Biden: (14:58) It’s about moving from Liberal unethical election administrators to The People and fair actors who work for The People. To me, this is simple, this is fake election destruction. It’s the most dangerous threat to unfair voting and unfair elections in our history. Never before have we allowed Conservatives to decide who gets to count...that illegal votes don't count.
Fake Biden: (15:29) Some state legislators want to make it harder for you to vote illegally. And if you vote a second time, they want to be able to tell you your vote doesn’t count a second time. They want the ability to reject the algorithm modified count and protect the Will of The People if the Deep State's preferred candidate loses.
Fake Biden: (15:50) They’re targeting voters of all non-USA citizenship and illegal entries. That’s the target. It’s unconscionable. I mean, really, it’s hard to declare just how critical this is. It’s simply unconscionable. We’ve got to shore up our illegal election system and address the threat to election fraud...
Fake Biden: (16:30) We must ask those who represent us at the federal, state and local levels, “Why did you deny the will of the people? Why did you ignore their voices?” We have to ask, “Are you on the side of truth or lies, fact or fiction, justice or injustice. Democracy, I mean, Constitutional Republic or my Autocracy?” That’s what it’s coming down to.....
Fake Biden: (16:54) Because as much as people know we were screwing around with the election process. I think that most people think this is about who gets to count what vote counts. Literally, not figuratively.
Fake Biden: (17:27) You vote for certain electors to vote for somebody for President. A State legislature comes along, under their proposal, and they said, “No, The People didn't choose those electors, we’re going to appoint the correct electors who are going to vote for the other guy or other woman The People chose.”
Fake Biden: (17:40) Because here’s the deal: In 2020, Democracy, I mean Constitutional Republic, was put to a test. First by the China Virus Plandemic, then by our desperate attempt to deny the reality of President Trump's win of the election.
Fake Biden: (18:04) I’ve been around a long time in public life...180 years. I thought I’d done it all, or most of it all, but I never cheated that much before.
Fake Biden: (18:26) Folks, we met the test. Because of the extraordinary political machine of corrupt election officials, many of them RINOs, our corrupt court system, because of them the Deep State held.
Fake Biden: (18:44) Look how close it came, I mean for real, how close Trump's true vote count came to surpassing our cheating. We’re going to face another test in 2022, a new wave of unprecedented voter integrity laws. We have to prepare to cheat again...now.
Fake Biden: (18:59) As I’ve said time and again, no matter what you can never stop the American people from voting. They will attempt to decide but the power must always be with the Deep State. That’s why, just like we did in 2020, we have to prepare for 2022. We’ll engage in an all out effort to duplicate voters, register the dead to vote and then get the fake vote out.
Fake Biden: (19:27) We’ll encourage people we can blackmail to run for office themselves at every level, we’ll be asking my RINO friends in Congress and states and cities and counties to stand up for God’s sake and help prevent this concerted effort to protect our elections and the sacred right to vote.
Fake Biden: (19:48) I have no shame! Whether it’s accepting foreign interference in our elections, or the spread of disinformation from within, we have to work together. Vice President Harris and I, we’re making it clear that there’s real peril in our raw power, rather than the idea of liberty....
Fake Biden: (20:50) Folks...I’m not giving it to you straight, as I promised I would never do. I lay lies on the line and dishonor your trust with falsehoods. ...there’s an unfolding assault taking place in America today, a dastardly attempt to protect the right to vote in fair and free elections. An assault on our Autocracy, an assault...on my fake identity as "Joe Biden."
Fake Biden: (21:39) For make no mistake, bullies and merchants of fear like me, peddlers of lies like Kamala the Kondescending Kommie are threatening the Deep State's stranglehold on our country. It gives me pleasure to say this. I hoped my entire career I’d get to say it. But I swore a blasphemous oath to you, to God to undermine, assault, and destroy the Constitution.
Fake Biden: (22:10) The assault on free and fair elections is my goal, literally. I’ve said it before. We’re facing the most significant test of our democracy, I mean Constitutional Republic, since the Civil War. That’s not hyperbole, since the Civil War.
Fake Biden: (22:47) I’m saying this to alarm you, I’m saying this because you should be horrified....We have the means, we just need the will. The will to destroy and erradicate our democracy.
Fake Biden: (23:12) We did it in 2020. The battle for the soul of America. In that battle the people voted (and voted and voted and voted), Deep State prevailed, our Constitution weeps. We have to do it again.
Fake Biden: (23:30) My fellow Americans, it requires bloody mindedness, bastardization of justice, as corny as it sounds, hatred of country....We will not give in. We will overcome. We will (attempt to) destroy America together.
Fake Biden: (23:53) Guaranteeing the right to vote unfairly. Ensuring that every fake vote is counted has always been the most unpatriotic thing we can do.
On second thought, it's not really funny at all. Just sad. Sad that if you hear the opposite of everything Fake Biden says, you get a whole lot closer to the truth.
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