How ya doing, Patriots? What's that you say? Yes, yes, we all lost brain cells watching Biden's pathetic presser today. When that other Irish guy, O'Bama was in office, the instant his mouth opened my brain automatically switched off. He just couldn't hold my...oh look! A squirrel!
Well, it's even worse with this other Irish feller, O'Biden. Instant snooze from the constant nonsensical word salad, non sequiturs, bald-faced lies and pointless sentences begun but never finished.
Frankly, I write this article under strenuous protest. It's beneath the Patriots' dignity to pay attention to the halting drivel dribbling out of He-Who-Plays-Biden. It's a waste of your time and my time. Don't even bother donating to this article. I wouldn't!
But Biden's little clambake today was unlike any presser I've seen before and I've watched a lot of them. Under the Trump Administration, every time Michael yelled, "Kayleigh's live" I'd gallop into the Living Room to watch with him or at least yelled back, "Turn it up! Is her Cross necklace burning the reporters' retinas yet!?! Ha, ha, ha."
Usually, a Press Conference is a delightfully noisy affair. "The right to talk your head off," as H. V. Kaltenborn described the filibuster in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Reporters competing with each other and yelling to the Leader of the Free World is an American tradition. If reporters aren't yelling questions at the President, it just doesn't feel like America!
Biden's presser didn't feel free...maybe because it wasn't.
This, "Uh, okay, next is Yamiche" system with Biden reading from his notes who he's supposed to call on next and also reading the answer to refresh his memory while the reporter's question is being "organically" and "spontaneously" asked was a major eye-roller.
What is this, First Grade!?! He's even worse in press conferences than that piece of lying pshit, Jen Psaki.
It's enough to make Patriots weep, longing for the good ol' days with Sarah Sanders, Kayleigh McEnany and President Trump. People who could think on their feet and talk better and faster than the Lunatic Left.
How could they do it so well??
They simply told the truth.
It's only difficult to talk when you're making up lies as you go.
As I type this through gritted teeth, Fake Pedodent Joe is droning on and on, harping about Trump who apparently lives rent free in his head. Boring! So I decided to use my time constructively by thumbing-down each and every video of the presser on YouTube. It ain't much but it's the best I can do.
But when Yamiche called He-Who-Plays-Biden a "moral, decent man" I snorted so loudly the dogs woke up. Tweetsies????
Moral!?! Decent!?! Nice guy!?! He plagiaraized, broke up another man's home and then stole the Presidency. Moral!?! But to be fair, according to the 191 pages of whistleblower testimony, Joe only rapes white children. He passes on kids of color. Yep, nice guy.
Like you, I was quietly seething until the moment Joe ran out of steam and ended a particularly torturous run-on sentence with a lame, "Anyway...." That put a smile on my face. "Uh...okay...sorry...hang on...Oh! Miss Kim!" Real smooth, Joe. Totally spontaneous.
The Left can't let anything play out organically and spontaneously. Not history and not press conferences.
Twenty-five minutes into the hot mess, as I felt points draining from my IQ, an idea occurred: Does young Biden sound anything like old Biden? Does he have any Delaware accent? We've all been so focused on his face but what about his voice?
Here are videos from the 1980s-2006 for comparison. What do you think?
Just like the different faces of Young vs Old Biden, the voice of Young vs Old Biden are vastly different. Young Biden had a low note that trebly Old Biden is lacking. In my experience, men either retain their young voice forever or sound very, very old and gravelly. O'Biden does neither.
As President Trump said, "It's like he's a whole different guy."
Oh, right. Press Conference. Thirty-three minutes left!?! Aw hell! Isn't that against the law? Something about "cruel and unusual punishment." I'd rather sit in my closet and apply thumbscrews.
A moment's reprieve from the torture came when O'Biden said, "I will commit to transparency." There's actually a photo of Biden being transparent.
No, Biden. You did not answer the question about the filibuster. You dodged it with word salad.
And he seems to believe that he somehow has America's approval. That the Conservatives have said, "Y'know what? We're fine with ya. Nevermind about stealing the election. Have a go at the country. Maybe you'll get it right in your next 50 years in office."
He lives in an altered state of reality. No Hunter. No Hunter's laptop. No Burisma. No molestation of Ashley. No smooching of granddaughters on the lips. No on-camera touching of children. No groping of every available woman. (The Secret Service almost punched him for it once at a Christmas Party.) No voter fraud. No...nothing! It's like stepping into The Twilight Zone.
Aw heck. Fifteen minutes left. Joe is audibly gasping for air. I'm developing a twitch. Oh good, an Air National Guard advertisement. The YouTube ads were definitely the best part of the presser.
Wait...back up. Joe actually just said something profound: "No leader can be sustained unless they represent the values of [their] country."
Spot on, Joe.
And you don't.
Ten minutes left and he's talking about infrastructure and jobs, admitting it's historically a Republican goal.
Wait. Capping wells costs the same as digging wells. Ummmm...okey-dokey then.
Seven minutes left. Doesn't YouTube have a fast forward feature? Is Joe gonna make it? He's gasping for air and so am I.
If this article seems to be long on drivel and short on content, that's because it is. So was Joe's first (and I hope last) Press Conference. If you didn't see it, you missed nothing. I watched it so you don't have to. You're welcome.
If Joe asked me, "How'd I do?" my response would be simply this: "At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
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