Beyond Narcissism...And Getting Happier All the Time
From 1775-1783,
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The Freedoms we treasure nationally,
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 I know Nancy Pelosi's white roots have already grown out since her infamous visit to that hair salon. But thanks to Donald Trump bringing it up at every awesome rally, it's not stale news yet!
The whole incident would've blown over in a jiffy if she'd had the humility and Erma Bombeckesque sense of humor to say, "Sorry, my bad. I just wanted to look my best for my voters." But no! Nancy herself blew the incident into A Thing by projection, by attempting to gaslight the American voter by blaming the hair salon for setting her up. Basically a grown-up version of, "I know you are but what am I?" Typical narcissism. The faux apology that circles around to blame the victim.
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 As soon as Donald Trump clinched the Presidential Nomination in 2016, that's when it all started.
Trump vs Mental Health Somehow it was assumed that Trump (and his supporters) could never be pro-Mental Health. On Psychology Today, who has approached me to join their team, there are tens of thousands of articles about President Trump and I've yet to find a positive one. In August of 2016, the founder of PsychCentral labeled Trump, "the consummate American bullshit artist" and further proceeded to insult every Trump Supporter on PsychCentral by saying, "the American people will buy any line of B.S." Having learned that their boss hated Trump, all the other PsychCentral psychologists, therapists and bloggers felt free to clamber aboard, gleefully bashing Trump in their articles. Save one: me. Here's what I've wanted to know since 2016: When did caring about Mental Health supposedly become the sole province of Liberals? When did supporting Mental Health and supporting Donald Trump become mutually exclusive?  Yesterday, I received an alarmed email from my marketing service informing me that 7.58% of my readers had unsubscribed after I wrote They Said Trump Is A Malignant Narcissist. Was I off-topic, they wanted to know? Had I erred in some way?
I've been writing about all the usual topics - cults, narcissism, freedom but as they relate to America and Donald Trump. Apparently, that pissed off exactly 7.58% of my subscribers who are Biden/Harris supporters. Then I realized something: You can't write about narcissism without also writing about America, patriotism, freedom...and Donald Trump. Our fight against narcissism is a fight for our God-given American Freedoms in the microcosm of our relationships. But you won't even know you have those freedoms without America. What we're fighting for, nationally and personally, is for freedom "against all enemies, foreign and domestic." Emphasis on domestic.  There are certain popular words these days that, once they are pinned on a person or institution, even if there isn't a morsel of truth in it, are automatically assumed to cancel them out...permanently. Words like...
 Ah, I remember it well. The year was 1998 and I was "grown up"...supposedly.
"What are the new rules for me," I asked my parents, "now that I'm grown up?" They had no answer. "Just ask us as you go along," was the best response I received. Well that sounded like a jolly way to be constantly in trouble!  [TRIGGER WARNING: Mind Control]
Once upon a time, in a place called Maple Grove, Cinderella and Prince Charming met online, had one date and got married. On their honeymoon, they found the end of the rainbow (it's in Oregon; we have pictures) and expected to Live Happily Ever After. But it was not to be because Michael, I mean, Prince Charming found a website called InfoWars. And boy! Was I, I mean, Cinderella pissed off!  If you're a fan of time travel shows, then you know it's entirely possible for one person to exist in two different timelines at the same time...theoretically.
Recently, I suddenly realized that many of my friends are still existing in the fear/isolation Timeline I "Tardis-ed" out of back in March 2020. That makes me terribly sad. As someone who was raised in an Environment of Fear, I know how damaging it is. I hate what it did to me and what it's doing to my friends still living in the fear/isolation timeline for the best possible reasons: They love life and they love their families. So here's my take on the whole "Covid Thing," a topic that's become so emotionally and politically loaded that only a foolish writer would "rush in where angels fear to tread." But when has that ever stopped me!?!  The day was April 12th, 2012. It was a Thursday. I'd just turned 32. This was the first time my parents had allowed me to go somewhere and said, "You don't have to call us every time you arrive or leave a destination."
That's because I was with Michael, my fiancé of four days. We were in love and I was finally free! It was an intoxicating cocktail from which I've never recovered. Today, I have the taste of that same heady elixir in my mouth again and I like it! I like it a lot!  As soon as Donald Trump announced his candidacy in 2015, screams of "Narcissist!" resounded through cyberspace.
It was the perfect label at the perfect time. The whole Narcissism trend had just started and I was in the perfect place at the perfect time too. As Trump began his presidential campaign, I began writing PsychCentral's first dedicated narcissism blog, Narcissism Meets Normalcy.  Every time I hear someone say, "the new normal," I cringe. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, it sets my teeth on edge.
That's because I know from sad experience how abusers have carte blanche in the absence of normalcy - the stick in the spokes of their abuse. Abusers and narcissists hate normalcy because it puts a cramp in their style. The first thing cults make new members jettison is their old normalcy. As Todd bragged on Chrisley Knows Best, "There ain't no normal here." My point. The events of 2020 have given certain people "dressed in a little brief authority" just the excuse they craved to jettison normal, to terrify, to divide and to conquer by brainwashing nice, normal people into exchanging their God-given freedom for so-called "safety." For five years, I've advocated for the importance of the protection of normalcy. Naming my old blog, Narcissism Meets Normalcy was not a whim. I coined that title because I know, from experience, how much bad can happen when the protection of normalcy is removed.  "Trust your gut."
How many times have you heard those words? But for victims of Narcissistic Abuse, it's well nigh impossible...impossible! The very essence of Narcissistic Abuse is, "Don't trust your gut...nor your eyes, ears, emotions, intuition. Pay no attention to that man behind the the curtain. Trust only in me, your own darling narcissist. I own your reality. Fact is what I tell you it is. Not what you observe and feel, Pumpkin." Or to quote my father's favorite saying, "Wrong again, Buckwheat." I was "Buckwheat" and I was wrong. Again.  The other day, I asked Michael to do some little home repair task. The kind of task that isn't a big deal but requires male know-how, male muscles and male ingenuity to get it done. (You can't say that on PsychCentral. Sometimes I'd get in trouble for using male and female pronouns. Sheesh!)
But I have this thing. This codependent thing where I feel just awful for asking anyone to do anything...ever. So I told Michael just how much it bothered me that I was asking him to do this task.  While that may be a run-on article title, it expresses my sentiments, and my habits, exactly.
You and I and everyone who's suffered from narcissistic abuse have the tendency to compensate for always feeling like a failure by overdoing it. Perpetually. Constantly. Habitually. If your parents ever told you, "You won't amount to shit," then this article is for you.  "Relinquish your God-given freedom and we will keep you safe."
Isn't that what all cults say? That's the deal I was given. It was a deal I took because I was too young, too brainwashed, too submissive, too afraid to do otherwise. In the end, I received neither freedom nor safety. So it troubles me deeply when I see our society as a whole bartering their freedoms for so-called "safety."  Whenever someone is kind to our little family, Michael always shakes his head in disbelief. That's when I tell him, "The unkindness of your own relations, Michael, has made you astonished to find friendship anywhere." That's the message to all of us today: Strangers are kind.
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