Like Lemon Juice in a Papercut

I seem to have a knack for hitting nerves. It's not always planned. Just kinda' happens. Ever since I was little, I've been an incompatible mix of soft-hearted...and daring. It's a painful combination!

As my fellow alumni know, a certain clergyman took exception to the public statements of abuses that occurred at FBCS.

His response was unexpected, dramatic and left me thinking, "Why!?! What's it to him? This is really odd." So while he blustered, I watched from the sidelines, reluctant to join the fray.

But when he began posting subtly offensive replies to my non-FBCS friends on my Facebook timeline, he stepped over my boundary. I stood up for myself, pointed out his false allegations and requested an apology.

Ah, hope springs eternal in the human breast.

Not only was his reply highly offensive, he refused to apologize and further invalidated those who experienced, witnessed or heard of bona fide abuse(s) at FBCS. Behavior unworthy of a clergyman.

My response to him was scathing, spot-on...and will remain unpublished.

Suddenly, I saw behind the bluster, the smokescreen and the Scripture-slinging to a very wounded, a very vulnerable, a suffering man.

---

The church he pastors is known for picketing, aggressive and sometimes offensive open air preaching and especially, for displaying signs about homosexuality. A bell began to ring. It reminded me of something.

Two years ago, I spent an entire day studying Westboro Baptist Church and its founder,
Fred Phelps. There were many surprising similarities between Phelps' child-rearing and those of my narcissistic father.

As we know, the church he founded with his many children is notorious for picketting. Open air yelling/preaching. And a focus on sin, homosexuality and Hell bordering on obsession. All of it a smokescreen to escape from the agony of the abuses borne by Fred Phelp's children who now populate his church. They cope by hurting others. Like bullies, they distract themselves from their own pain by inflicting pain onto others. They cope by projecting their secret sins onto others.

Yes, I naturally want to contradict the gaslighting and inaccuracies of his non-apology. To put him in his place. To rip him a new one. Goodness knows, he set it up on a tee for me by making misleading statements about my beliefs...even my morality. (If you're smart enough to twist my words, you're smart enough to understand them correctly. No one was fooled!)

And he richly deserves it!

But if this clergyman is hurting, then kindness is what he needs most. Compassion. Empathy. The safety to be vulnerable. To drop the blustering façade and heal.

So why did he attack in the first place? Could it be that my original article,
When Narcissists "Get Religion," You Get Screwed hit too close to home, like lemon juice in a papercut?

Let's work on this hypothesis for awhile. Let's assume it rang a bell for him, and the pain was intolerable.

What to do? Lash out! Invalidate the author! Cast aspersions on her beliefs...even her morality! A quick Googling revealed I'm certainly not the only one to be on the receiving end of his acid tongue.

But why invalidate the claims of abuse at FBCS? A slap-in-the-face to all victims of abuse if there ever was one.

Time and again, I have wondered if this clergyman's reaction is at all related, however unconsciously to the "outing" of a certain relative. In the past, I chose not to mention it, but being hit "below the belt" kinda' change my mind.

Could it be that this clergyman too was abused? Tucked away in the furthest corner of his soul may be a pain so strong, so shattering that he's afraid he couldn't survive, couldn't function if he revealed it. By invalidating others, he's vicariously invalidating the abuse he may have endured to keep the pain buried. So he can continue to function.

Much as I want to lash out and use my various online platforms to put him in his place, I'm not going to do it. Much as I want to write to his local papers invalidating him as a clergyman, I'm not going to do it.

He's suffering enough already.

---