Remember my bath last Thursday? Well, I'm not nasty and clean anymore, thanks to my cousin, Sandy. She rubbed all her dirt, grease and horse apples onto me to take away that nasty soapy smell. Now that's a true friend!
What can I tell you about Sandy, the toy pom? She's adorable...and annoying! But she's still a puppy so I humor her. I used to be just like that, pestering the crap outta' my sister. Karma's a bichon, cause Sandy pesters the crap outta' me...literally!
As Sheldon says on #TBBT, "Leonard, I'm gettin' too old for this crud."
It all started one sunny day last Summer. We went over to my Auntie and Uncle's house for dinner as we often do. I waddled in and suddenly BAM! Something's growling at me...barking...biting my ear.
I was like, "What the woof!?!"
So I takes off running. But I can't get any traction on the slippery floor, so basically, I'm running in place with this thing hanging on my ear. I mean, if I wanted earrings I'd go to Claire's! I got so excited, I crapped on the spot.
And that's another of Sandy's charms. She has this amazing laxative effect. If I'm having pooing problems, Sandy clears it right up. Usually, I also throw up out of sheer excitement. That's why I gave my Auntie a roll of paper towel and a note of apology last week. I've been doin' so much pooin' and peein' and barfin' on her nice clean floors, I figured I owed her one!
Now my sister, CweeCwee, does not like little Sandy. She pretends she doesn't exist, won't make eye contact, ignores her completely. I'm like, "Woof, girl! Is that nice?" But she doesn't listen to any woofs I say, so it's up to me to keep the little Pom entertained. I've lost weight, literally shed pounds, playing "tag" with Sandy.
And that's another thing. She cheats! I run the whole circuit around their house like any decent bichon would, puffing for air, panting, wild- eyed, clawing for traction. But that growling little Pom takes shortcuts, nips under furniture, sneaks behind the stove. She's cool as a cucumber while I'm panting and wetting myself. I'm like, "Woof on you, girl," and try to hide.
But, seriously, I can't imagine life without my cousin. We play together, piddle together, wrestle together and snooze together. And the next time I see her, I'm totally gonna' to steal her blue teddy bear and bring it home.
("No, Sandy, I didn't tell them you hump me constantly. It's not something to be proud of! Now shut the woof up!")
I've always been a nudist. It feels so good, so free, so airy. When I was a baby, I couldn't even stand my nasty pink collar. Mommy said Houdini had nothing on me. I could get out of anything.
Take the nasty collar for instance. The trick is to hook your back toenails under it and push it up towards your chin. Of course, we bichons don't really have chins, so that helps. Tuck your chin in, push the collar over it and yes! You're in the nude again.
Now, if your Mommy is like mine, she decided a harness was the way to go. She'd been told it'd be easier on my throat when I yank, yank, yank on my leash and she figured I couldn't get out of it. Hahaha! Joke's on Mommy! All you have to do is pull backwards against the leash. The leash will flip the harness inside-out, over your head and yes! Sweet nudity again.
But I make an exception for socks. Pink socks...of course!
I love snow but when it gets below zero up here, my footsies get awfully cold. That's when I "prairie dog." That's what Mommy calls it. You know what I mean, bichons...the way we precariously balance on our bums when we're either begging or freezing.
Well eat your heart out, 'chons, cause I got socks now! No more prairie dogging for me...except when roast chicken or Spicy Doritos are around!
Wait...am I still a nudist?
My daddy says the funniest things sometimes. It was early this morning. Much too early to get up. But my dang humans were up and about, and so was I. Daddy says to me, “Go back to sleep, Delly, or you're gonna be tired and cranky later.”
I was like, “What the woof!?!”
Since when was a bichon cranky? We have the most sanguine tempers. Never a cloud in our furry skies.
Now my sister, CweeCwee the Doxiepoo, is another story. I can rely on her to rip the face off all my stuffed toys. Then the best part comes: pulling out the stuffing. Woof, woof, woof... You other bitchin' bichons know what I'm talkin' about. The fun of tugging on that fuzzy white stuff, trying to get it out the tiny hole that used to be your teddy bear's nose. The satisfaction when it goes "pop." The frantic licking when you can't get it off your tongue. The hacking when it tickles your throat. Mommy's fussing when it clogs up her vacuum for the umpteenth time. What an experience!
In five years, I can only remember being cranky once. I mean, it's not Cwee's food bowl. It's our food bowl. Her snarl was totally uncalled for. But I thought it over and decided to take the high road. I sat up very tall, put my mouth in her ear and said, "WOOF" at top of my lungs five times. Problem solved.
Hope you enjoyed my doodle. Writing by "paws and schnoz" is hard work so now, I think I'll take a little nap.
Hi Everybody! I'm Delly.
My mommy has a blog, so I thinks, why can't I!?! When she's in the shower, that's my time to "hunt and peck" on the computer. Of course, it's kinda' hard with paws, so I use my nose too. I call it
"paws and schnoz."
I'm a mostly bichon frise. Or as Daddy says, a bitchin' frise. I think it's a compliment.
There's enough bichon in me to trigger a jolly good blitz everyday. Woo-hoo! They tell me I've got some poodle and shih tzu in me too.
Now my sister, she was supposedly all poodle. But she's not. She's part dachsund...a doxiepoo. More about her later. Her nickname is "Stupid" so y'know she's a riot.
Hi! Delly here! I'm a bichon frise. My mommy says I'm crazy, eccentric and hilarious. These are my doodles. WOOF!