Bed bugs: mother’s latest paranoiac fad. Her home’s gonna’ get infested with the little devils. She’s sure of it.
Mother’s paranoia is nothing new. She’s been this way all my life. And her mother is a paranoiac, controlling narcissist too. Together they form a hysterical duo, collecting and trading dangers like some people trade baseball cards. Their “Danger Scrapbook” is second-to-none, bulging with terrors of every description.
Oddly enough, none of these horrors have ever befallen them…nor anyone else in the family. Nevertheless, reality never stopped them from foisting dangers of every kind onto me. And only because they love and care about me, right!?Ah, I remember well the first time their paranoia struck me as, well, odd. Maestro? Flashback harp music, please.
If you need a good laugh today, just click here!
Narcissists do and say the funniest things.
Well, it’s only funny from a safe distance when not aimed at you! So, I thought, why not compile the funniest, the craziest, the furthest-out and most flabbergasting things narcs have said and done!?
Comedian Jeff Foxworthy is renowned for his signature comedy line, “If (insert redneck trait)…you might be a redneck.” One of my favorites is, “If you have an engine hangin’ in your tree…you might be a redneck!” So I thought, why not gather tales in the same format: “If (fill-in-the-blank-with narcissist’s-shenanigans)…you might be a narcissist.”
Thanks to the many subscribers and Facebook friends who generously shared their true-life “If…Then” tales for this article. They didn’t make any of this up. You can’t! You can’t make this shit up. Each one of these scenarios is 100% true.
Click here if you need a good, belly laugh to break the narcissist's power!
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From relationships to toxic families, from current events to critical reviews, Lenora has a unique "take" on whatever's happening and shares it in her syndicated blog. Gritty. Real. Funny. Click here for bio.
If you are feeling suicidal, thinking about hurting yourself, or are concerned that someone you know may be in danger of hurting himself or herself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). It is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and is staffed by certified crisis response professionals.